Have you noticed that now, more than ever, people are talking about finding their truth? Have you wondered why? Or thought about what that means..."finding your truth". Has that caused you to ask yourself 'who's truth am I living if it's not mine'?
It did for me but only on the heels of a personal loss.
I spent years working long hours, pulling all nighters to get the job done and working to meet SO many expectations set on me by ME, my bosses at any given time, my customers, competition, team, friends, spouse, parents, what felt like everyone. I said yes to everything and everyone.
I did this because my mom had ingrained in me that I would be loved & accepted if I acted in this certain way. I became a pleaser, an over-achiever and I sincerely thought I was happy doing it all…BUT in doing so, I left ME behind…like SO many of us do…we leave ourselves at the end of the line of people whose needs are seemingly greater than our own…
Mid 2015, I felt the nudge of something changing deep in my soul. I had no idea what it was but I knew something was amiss. Come late 2016, my mom passed away only 11 months after being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. When she left this earth, I felt an ache in my heart like never before.
And I broke. I broke hard.
All the trauma that I have been through in my life came rushing back to me. Everything that I had compartmentalized over the years - so many years - started coming unboxed and wanted to be seen, heard, dealt with. I could no longer stay so busy that dealing with my own stuff was easily avoidable - I could no longer run circles around all of the expectations put on me. I could no longer say 'yes' to everything and everyone.
And then it hit me. I had not been living my truth. I had been living a life created through fear of the false expectation that I would only be loved and accepted by saying yes to all the things all the time - this was my mom's truth for me. When she died, this part of me died with her. It's as though she knew I finally needed to be free to live my own life. But I felt completely lost. Who am I? What is MY truth?
Over the next couple of years, I found a way out. Through beautiful synchronicity I met people in the same place in their lives and new friendships, tools & resources became present & created this amazing space for me to do 'the work'. Different work than anything I was used to. Sure I had tried before but something was different. I was ready! I worked hard at slowing down, looking at EVERYTHING in the past & present with gratitude and letting go of what needed releasing ultimately redefining what brings me joy and learning how to put myself first again, how to respond in love and not with fear.
I found my truth!
I AM BETTER FOR EVERYONE around me when I PUT MYSELF FIRST!!!! What an epiphany!
I have more time & less stress and I perform better in all areas of my life when I am my authentic, vulnerable and committed to keeping me first.
This is NOT selfish! This IS self care!
And this is IMPERATIVE to every human in our world today. The universe is telling us WE NEED TO BE READY NOW…and to be ready, we need to know what OUR OWN truth is. Not the truth that we agreed to as a child, through adolescence and into adulthood. Not the truth or the image of perfection that has been handed down to us through the generations, our moms, dads, teachers, priests and every other authority figure that ever TOLD us who we are.
We each need to be ready to come out of this mayhem so that together we can change the way the collective responds. So we respond with love and not fear!
To hear more about Finding Your Truth, check out the original song Horizon, written & recorded by my friend, singer songwriter musician Kelsey Miles & the conversation in episode one of our weekly podcast at https://youtu.be/pR77rrixyQY.
To learn more about reconnecting to yourself, visit my website at https://www.joanneadducci.com.